Oldest Sibling

 Being the oldest sibling comes with a lot of responsibility. I think everyone can agree on that. Unless you're the oldest sibling there is a lot you probably don't understand. 

First off, you are now old enough to relate to your parents. There are traits you start to notice both good and bad. You are stuck between their friend and daughter. In my family, I feel like this is a constant battle for me. I have been struggling to find this balance. I want to seek out my parents for their wisdom but I find myself questioning some of the things they do. They haven't accepted me yet and my view as an adult. A worse feeling is being like the second mom. As you get older you see your parents changing. They are getting tired, burnt out, or what I think is lazy. I can't say anything to my mom.

"Cassidy you make me feel like the worst mom"

I have been going into my room now when the division amongst the family starts. Someone gets hurt every time and I just can't do it. I need God to break down all the walls in my family's hearts. This foundation of my family needs to be built from the ground. God needs to be at the foundation. 

My siblings never come to me. This really hurts me and I feel like it's all my fault. I try to be their friend. They only see me as an annoyance. I don't like the things they do. 

I can't keep doing this.